Losing Beauty

I am stunned by the uncanny persistence of a mindset that still seems to be moved so much more easily by a beautiful building burning to the ground than by species going extinct, humans suffering due to poverty and oppression, indigenous cultural heritage being systematically destroyed and eradicated for centuries, the collapse of ecosystems... I see where that comes from. And I can totally relate.

It's about beauty.

Beauty is what truly sustains my heart in any situation. If beauty is destroyed it tears my heart apart, whatever kind of beauty it is. Just funny to notice how the beauty of this building which fulfilled its function in full service to the power of a terrorist institution is so much more striking to people's perception than the graceful, intelligent, radiant, elegant Sacredness of a piece of land which is then being cut in half by a pipeline, devastated by mining, suffocated by an oil spill, logged, monoculturized, drowned by a dam in order to cater to someone's desire for profit. How did we become so numb to the normalcy of the daily destruction of this form of beauty? How are we white Europeans able to be so sensitive and beautifully vulnerable when it comes to a church burning down and so completely unemotional about the countless artistic achievements, technologies, communities, the architectural, spiritual, political knowledge that humanity lost due to the ongoing project of colonization?

The lady who sold me three pairs of socks at Karstadt Hermannplatz today (there was a reduction of 20% on socks and underwear only today) told me that she was not herself today because she had stayed up all night because of what had happened to Notre Dame. This is so deeply fascinating. And I am not writing this sarcastically or in order to accuse her, us, myself. It's fascinating how our reactions are so much shaped by what our cultural context gives value to. And exactly that is the place where change can happen.

We can train ourselves and each other differently. We can re-learn sensitivity toward all living beings, to give value to Life above anything else. We can become slow and silent and hear what the Land has to tell (in the case of Notre Dame it might tell about the pagan rites of Goddess/Earth worship people used to practice here, about the millions of people who stood here, struck with the overpowering beauty of this stunning church, about the „witches“ and heretics who were burned on the square in front of it).

We can value the interconnectedness and mutual support in a forest as a miracle that is at least equal to spectacular architecture, we can open our hearts to complex stories of how everyone's lifes are crisscrossed by power, we can open ourselves to the beauty and the suffering of the world. I believe this will make everyone more alive and fulfilled. Because it creates connections, even if there's a lot of pain in these stories. But unlike the cheesy nostalgia about the glory of the old times, this pain is real and it opens our hearts to each other. Each of us is a church, a temple, sacred. Whoever can mourn a holy site can also learn how to defend the sacredness of all beings.

To growth, to the Goddess, Notre Dame.

BAN MODESTY!

I hereby cast a spell to ban Modesty from my life, once and for all.

To demand from yourself or others to be modest is an act of violence. It's just a "noble" mask for shame. I do not want to hide and keep my gifts to myself, that's just arrogant, unloving and the root of bigotry and resentment.

I want to show off my being just as I want to see and witness all of the other people's beings. Please, show off to me! I want to be in contact, to rub our energies instead of fake politely holding them back and all sitting in our little separate spaces, with clenched muscles and shallow breath, afraid to be "too much". Right now the problem is that there is "too little" of especially marginalized people's genius, but also too little of everyone's fullness.

I feel in order to grow we need everyone to share their gifts fully, not just superficially, not just what is already respected by the ruling ideology. Also the weird parts, the queer parts, the emotional parts. I want space for generosity. I want a world where everyone always feels comfortable to woman/man/nonbinary-spread if they feel like. I want to live in a world where people walk proudly, with an open chest (and heart), where no one is afraid or ashamed to be seen or judgemental of those who let themselves be seen in all their magnificence and all their so called weaknesses. In their humanness.

I want this to start with my own behaviour. I allow myself to be in a state of gratitude, to be humble.

At the same time I promise to stop that stupid game of modesty and politeness. I promise to relax.

I promise to take my space and invite everyone around me to do the same. I promise to celebrate everyone who dares to show up, especially if society usually doesn't support showcasing their glory because of racism, sexism, trans-, homo-, whore-"phobia".

I promise to try and show myself in a way that does not aim to be an act of domination but a vulnerable way to reach out to others and seek connection.

I promise to try and enact mutual empowerment.

My beloved taught me a beautiful lesson yesterday. Basic drag wisdom from Aviv Shalem: A Queen is not about being superior, a Queen is there to drag up everyone else, to challenge everyone to be their best self as well, to remind everyone of their Queen nature, if they may wish to claim it. Amen.

There is so much beauty in this world

There is so much beauty in this world. It takes years of going to school rigorously to forget this fact and to manage to accomodate to the misery of so-called civilization and all its highly important, professionalized dramas. If you are looking for healing, enlightenment or maybe an effective way to start a revolution, why not begin with allowing yourself to simply be cradled by a lawn or lay on a soft rock and follow the gentle dance of some ash trees in the wind? This is reality. This is you. What more is there to want?